How many of you have ever watched a superhero movie? How many of you have ever wanted to be a superhero? How many of you think that you are a superhero long before i became a psychologist and got involved in forensic neuropsychology when i was in my 20s.

I was on a fast track to becoming billionaire tony stark, aka iron man. No really. I believed, based on what was going on in my life, that i was going to become a real-life tony stark. What happened was the company i started with two others had just won a government contract with the department of defense to provide it support.

The contract excited me so much that the night after we signed it. I went home and i got on the internet to look at all the things i was going to be buying for myself a mega yacht, a private jet to fly with my very own island.

I was going to name after myself and an unlimited supply of beef jerky. All of these things and more were coming my way, or at least that’s. What i thought in that moment, and it’s funny how moments happen, because all it takes is for one moment to completely reboot a lifetime of thinking.

That moment happened for me on my way to dinner on an otherwise ordinary saturday night, when i was making a left hand turn and the 17 year old kid came screaming through the intersection. I looked up midway through my turn and i knew what was happening immediately.

I knew that i was about to die now something about the brain that’s very interesting, which we know from a neuroscience research standpoint is that when it perceives itself as being an imminent danger, it can slow our perception of the environment down.

For us, we have data from veterans of past wars who’ve experienced this phenomenon and it’s kind of like neo in the matrix when he was dodging. Those bullets in slow motion for me was maybe three seconds from when that car hits me.

My airbag goes off and i crash into a telephone pole again, maybe three seconds, but it might as well have been an eternity. I could look down and i could see my center console being crushed into my ribs, like it was an empty can of coke.

I could look up and i could see my shattered windshield and little bits of it floating through the air with the light of the sun reflecting off it and during i’m during the time of seeing this. I realize that this is the end of my life and i suddenly become overwhelmed with a sense of guilt for a number of reasons, guilt that i had become so focused on material things, guilt that my parents are about to get a call that i’m dead and guilt that i only had two payments left on the thing until i owned it outright now.

Spoiler alert i survived, but as a result of the accident i suffered a broken spine, nearly tore all the ligaments in my neck, and i suffered a number of severe internal injuries after months of recovery.

I was finally able to go back to work, but things were never the same. For me, everything felt different. The world was like a shade of gray. I kept working in that position for two more years, each day, feeling more and more unfulfilled.

In my work and more depressed in my life, i would say to myself: this can’t, be the path that i meant to walk, especially not after that accident and it all finally came to a head one day when i just couldn’t take it anymore.

I walked into work and i told my partners that i quit from that moment. I went from working upwards of 100 hours a week to zero from the prospects of multiple deals in the pipeline, which would have meant significant income to nothing.

I had absolutely no idea what i was going to do, but i knew what i was doing: wasn’t working and that something needed to change. I needed a reboot now sometimes reboots happen physically, such as with my accident, and sometimes they happen psychologically.

Such as when i was feeling unfulfilled in my life path now i hope for everybody listening to this, that you never have to go through. Anything like i went through, but what that accident did for me was.

It gave me a chance to take a step back focus on what really matters and start to discover that one thing that truly gave me a sense of purpose. You see when we strip away all of society’s expectations, the the rules, those little voices in our head, whispering fear about how other people might perceive you or a lack of money.

What starts to reveal itself is that one thing that you’re meant to do and who you’re meant to be now after i walked away from my company. I can tell you that was by far the lowest point in my life. I was severely depressed filled with regret and i was ashamed because i let down so many people who were counting on me to be a big success.

But mostly, i felt completely lost and i had no idea what to do with my life, but everybody else already had a plan. You should go to law school. Oh, you’d, be a great salesperson. Why don’t you become a financial planner.

None of those things did anything for me, but i told myself that i had to be open to whatever possibilities came my way, no matter where they came from and for me it happened next to the bananas in the produce section of my grocery store.

I overheard two women talking about their teenage daughters, who were posting, inappropriate pictures on social media and i just kind of interjected into their conversation, which was uncharacteristic for me and i told them.

I had a background in internet security and i gave them some tips and strategies that they could use to keep their family safe online, and then they asked me to come and share that same information with their school pta.

Now what they didn’t know is that i had been sitting home for months at a time doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself, but i responded with yeah. I think i can squeeze that in and so now i find myself speaking in front of a bunch of parents and they found the talk really really helpful.

I didn’t have any agenda here. I wasn’t trying to sell anything. All i was trying to do was be of service, but what i felt was good for the first time in a very long time, and it gave me a taste of maybe what could be when that talk was over.

This guy comes up to me from the audience who was on the local police department’s cyber crime unit, and he told me he really liked what i had to say. He went on to tell me that i could say things as a civilian that he couldn’t in law enforcement and asked me to team up.

So now i’m speaking to parents and educators on how they can keep their families safe online and at one of those experiences. A guidance counselor comes up to me and asked me if i’d, be willing to mentor a seventh grade child who was having a lot of trouble.

He was acting out. There were problems at home, and i said yes and we started meeting week after week month after month, and things started to get better for him. Things started to improve in his life and now, all of a sudden that little cartoon light bulb over my head is glowing really really bright, and i’m starting to figure out that sense of purpose which felt incredible now.

One could make an argument depending on what side of the coin you believe in coincidence, or fate that i accidentally found what i’m supposed to be doing in large part. Just because i went to the grocery store.

Now there are those people who know and have always known what they’re supposed to be doing with their lives. They pop out of the womb, and they declare i’m, going to be an astronaut and they become an astronaut.

But for most everyone else, it’s, usually far less clear, but through talking to those parents about internet safety and volunteering. With this troubled teen, i learned an important lesson which profoundly changed my life and it will change yours as well, and that is when you help others.

You help yourself now hold on a minute. I know that’s very cliche, but the research actually backs this up. Research has repeatedly shown that we are biologically hardwired to feel good when we help other people, if i was to hook up real-time diagnostic imaging to any two people watching this right.

Now – and i gave person a thousand dollars in person b – gave somebody else a thousand dollars. We could look and see what part of their brain is lighting up, and you know what it’s exactly the same. It’s called the mesolimbic pathway, it’s, an ancient mammalian system for rewards and it’s associated with pleasure in the brain.

So we’re, all very focused on our selfies and our social media posts and that’s. The world we live in today right, but the truth is we’re, biologically designed to help other people, and we don’t focus on that in our society at all.

We need to especially now when we help others, we benefit from the release of dopamine, which is a pleasure hormone. We also get the release of oxytocin, which fosters trust and connectedness, and there’s.

A large body of research that suggests that those that have a higher presence of oxytocin in their system are actually healthier. Their immune systems are stronger. They miss fewer days at work and they have improved relationships.

This is phenomenal research and it’s more critical today than ever so now. All of these stories i’ve, shared with you, have led me to what i’m doing today. Mentoring that teenager gave me the confidence to apply to graduate school.

I earned my master’s in social work and went on to obtain a doctorate in clinical psychology. Everything i’ve built since then has shared the same mission of helping others from the mother who thanked me from helping her child overcome a learning disability to the young man.

Who wrote me to tell me that hearing my story in my podcast gave him new hope and convinced him not to commit suicide every day i actually feel more like a superhero than if i had become tony stark, because i get the opportunity to help make a Difference in the lives of people, we all have moments that define us and help us discover a true purpose.

Today, the world is very much in a process of rebooting and it’s, giving us all an opportunity to step back, reflect and strip away. The noise to find what really matters remember that the science shows us that we are biologically predisposed to help others, and then, when we do, we benefit physiologically and psychologically as well.

So, wherever you are on your journey to finding your purpose, make it a point to notice opportunities to do something kind for someone else and trust that when you help others, you also help yourself.

Thank you.